Changing pace: Retiring and thriving together

Most of us look forward to retirement. We envisage having the time, money and freedom to pursue our favourite hobbies and interests, take that course, travel, spend more time with family or simply slow down and enjoy some time out.

While retirement is seen as a wonderful life stage, for many couples it’s also associated with feelings of loss and a sense of purposelessness. The Australian Bureau of Statistics (ABS) reports that the grey divorce rate is on the rise with more Australian couples separating after age 50 than ever before. Of those who divorced in 2022, almost 40% of men and 31% of women were aged 50 and over. The 2023 Love after 50 report by Australian Seniors revealed financial pressures and retirement adjustments were the top reasons behind late-in-life separations.

“After 30-plus years of marriage, it can come as quite a shock when you see your relationship start to struggle,” says relationships counsellor Megan Solomon.

“Just when you’re at a time in your life when you think you’ve seen it all, cracks can begin to appear,” she says. “After years spent raising a family and building a career, this is probably the first time you’ve spent so much time together. People change during all that time and sometimes drift apart without realising it.”

Here are four common relationship issues retirees find tricky to navigate.

Too much togetherness

“Interestingly, at a time when we would expect couples to downsize their home, many early retirees report wanting to maintain or even increase their living space,” says Solomon. One or both may want their own office space, studio or shed. “This is particularly true when one has been working full time and now wants to enjoy more time with their partner, contrasting the partners’ sense that their quiet environment and routine has been invaded.”